


Natural

by rhodrymavelyne



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:35:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25901422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhodrymavelyne/pseuds/rhodrymavelyne
Summary: While imprisoned, Will recalls a moment  when he explored the loft in Hannibal’s office, his first reaction to Hannibal amidst his surroundings.
Relationships: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Kudos: 15





	Natural

**Author's Note:**

> This moment takes place right before the scene between Will and Hannibal in that same office in Amuse-Bouche. I don’t own Hannibal, but it often owns me. :)

When I’d first met Dr. Lecter, he’d been wearing a blazer and an open shirt. He’d changed the blazer and the shirt when I opened my hotel door to him, but his attire had been similar. 

On our third meeting, he'd dressed in what looked like a custom-made suit, complete with tie. Not many men could wear plaid, yet he pulled it off with an effortless elegance. 

“Good evening, Will.” He opened the door to his office. “Come in. Look around.” He stepped out of my way, giving me plenty of space. “I want you to feel comfortable here.”

Paintings and objets d’art hung from walls and sat with an aloof elegance upon side tables. I felt my eyes drawn to the loft, to the rows of books lining the walls there. 

“Go on up and explore.” He nodded in the direction of the ladder leading up to the loft. 

“I’m supposed to be having a conversation with you.” I ducked my head, embarrassed at repeating Alana’s words. “About what happened.”

If I closed my eyes I’d see Abigail lying in her bed. I’d see you sitting at her side, holding her hand. I think you may have saved both of us. Only it’s not the sort of thing I can put into words, let alone thank you for. It’s not why I’m supposed to be here. I’m not sure if I want to be here. I can see by your office you live in a completely different world than mine. I’m not sure if I belong here, me or my madness, even if both Jack and Alana think I need therapy. 

I didn’t say any of this, yet Dr. Lecter nodded as if he’d heard my thoughts. “There’s a book on ancient art featuring animal imagery close to the right wall. You might find it interesting.”

Relieved I headed for the ladder and started climbing. Books, the very sight of books have always been a comfort and a refuge. Only I was reading less and less, doing more things with my hands of late. When had I stopped reading? I advanced step after step, remember the ladder to a boat I’d followed my father up as a boy. I hadn’t known what awaited me on deck, but I sensed I’d like the boat, just as I was starting to like this loft. 

I reached the top, studied the spines of the various volumes, most of which were hardbound. I touched the green cover of one, inhaling the comforting scent of leather. 

Dr. Lecter didn’t interrupt me or say anything. He just watched me, retreating behind his desk to examine a document.

To afford everything in this office, he had to be a busy man. I swallowed, wondering if I was taking time away from other patients, his practice. 

“Don’t worry.” Once again it was as if he’d read my thoughts. “You’re my last appointment of the day.”

“I’m starting to feel predictable.” I stroked the spine of the green book, read the gold letting. Mythology of the World. 

“You are one of the least predictable people I have ever met.” His voice was soft, touched by a European accent. “Some thoughts and reactions are perfectly natural, given your circumstances. Some are simply good manners.”

“Common courtesy is important to you.” Alana had warned me about this. Only I’d already been sassy, if not outright rude in our previous two encounters. He’d handled my behavior with perfect patience and unruffled aplomb. 

Besides if this man was going to try therapy on me, he’d be dealing with far worse things than rudeness. 

“If Dr. Bloom told you that, she was being polite herself.” Again there was that flash of knowing little smile, a hint of secrets he was keeping. Secrets he’d share if I was clever enough to figure them out. “There are few things I find uglier than discourtesy but you are neither ugly nor discourteous. You’re just confused and utterly shaken, perfectly natural things to feel, considering what you’ve been through.”

There it was again. He was using the word “natural”. 

“Just what is natural?” I asked, gazing down at him below. 

“It varies.” He sat down at his desk and studied the paper. “We’re here to find out what is natural for you.” 

“May I look at this book for a moment?” I pulled a book from the shelf, realized it wasn’t the one I’d been touching. I was suddenly terrified. What was natural for me may not be natural at all. If it wasn’t, did I really want to discover it? Explore it? Have someone else sift through my nature? 

The sight of a man bleeding flashed behind my eyes. The shots rang in my ears as Garrett Jacob Hobbs writhed for a moment before slumping against his kitchen counter. Life dripped from his wounds, he gazed at me with what little will he had left. “See? See…” 

I opened the book, staring at the words. They blurred into an illegible scrawl. 

“Take your time, Will.” Dr. Lecter’s words float, reassuring yet laced with an authority which feels it comes from an ability to take action during a crisis. Like when he slapped his hand to Abigail’s neck, stopping her from bleeding when I shook too much to do so. “I’m here for you.”

For one moment I believed him. For one moment, I felt like could relax, even be safe. 

I was so wrong, yet perhaps I was also right. At certain moments perhaps I was safe. Perhaps I brought something gentler out in Hannibal. 

I can’t trust that gentleness. Abigail trusted it and she paid for her life. Now I lie within a prison cell, going over it all in my head, wondering at how I could have such a fool.

To Hannibal’s credit, he’s good at bringing the fool out of people, even those who should know better. Even now I find myself hoping I wasn’t a complete fool, that the regard I truly believed he felt for me wasn’t feigned. 

It’s hard to stop being a fool, particularly when you don’t want to.

**Author's Note:**

> The reference to Alana’s words is to a scene in Amuse-Bouche where Will faced Alana Bloom and Jack Crawford. Alana suggested that Will have a conversation with Hannibal. 
> 
> The scene where Will shoots Garrett Jacob Hobbs, where Hobbs says with his last breath, “See” is from Apertíf, the pilot.


End file.
